Why don’t we listen to children anymore? Or kids, or teenagers for that matter?

I’m not talking about humoring them. But listening to children, and god forbid, humoring their wishes instead of their words.
“Yeah, what would they know? Easy way to set someone’s house on fire.”

Well, didn’t you know things when you were younger? Things you wished people would understand, things that could’ve really helped you become a better person way faster, if they’d just listen to you for once? Don’t you wish you had some influence on how you conducted yourself, how you were perceived, and how you turned out to be?

“Is this a guilt trip or are you going to get serious?”

I must ask this. What is the age at which people become ready to influence?

Is it only after a long and tumultuous strife winning ethical battles for human rights did Benny Jr, 53, become worthy as a leader and became a fictional senator, or is Benny Jr. your kid’s favourite fictional influencer, 7 years old, who makes money from play-testing toys and “reviewing the best ones”?

Well, at least you know what to get for Christmas.

But is that all you can draw from Benny Jr. here? Or you could, potentially, smart as you are – notice things in that kid’s eyes that say “Yes, they’re really enjoying this toy.”

Wise move, my friend. Demonstrates a level of awareness that’s all it takes to fix your relationships.

I don’t really have children, but I’ve spent more thought than necessary picking out the best toys according to what a kid needs. It’s a thing with me. I don’t want to gift something inappropriate. I would totally do that if I wasn’t a careful, borderline perfectionist.

Listening to kids taught me that they’re perhaps incredibly more observant in ways that they can’t articulate yet. Which is common sense to anyone with a kid.

They’re comprehensible about things that we are biased about, and are the truest juries of right and wrong from the perspective of just what is going on, how it makes them feel, and how someone without any bias or agency looks at things with positivity and hope.

Listening to Children

Try asking a 7 year old what they feel about a heartbreak. You may get a story of how someone in their classroom made them feel special and stopped doing that thing that made them feel special, but the kid’s okay because “she smelled weird anyway”.
Observe how they’re truly not trying to judge any books by their covers here, kids are fascinated by some nasty, nasty things at times. They may have something so forgivable to consider heartbreak (perhaps after you help them understand what it is in your simple words) that you’ll be able to forgive yours, even if a fraction of it.

Or you may choose to scoff at their ignorance, “these blissful nuggets of humanity enjoying their last few years before responsibility and true heartbreak.” But they don’t give a crap about your opinion on their emotional baggage. They just proceed with life through pure intuit and gut.

They’re merely observant of emotional reactions that they may be going through, perhaps for the first time in their lives.
Speaking of this, I think it’s time I pulled off this rather sweet metaphor.

The children are not just children, and observing the fictional reactions above may not actually represent either of the things you’d choose to do. You may choose to completely ignore the point of this article and never ask a child a question in all your wise, autodidactic ways.

But children are a metaphor for people that we care for, or at least know that we have to care for in principle. You may not be a kid’s parent but you’d definitely help one find their parents if they’re lost in a supermarket aisle, right?

This spans all the way into adulthood and your current relationships, rather. Not just fictional kids.

You see, we often belittle people we care about, without meaning bad for them.

Why does this happen?

“Do I secretly hate my stupid best friend who I can’t stop loving to mess with? Wouldn’t I have taken a bullet for them? Why aren’t they getting it? Isn’t it just some healthy ribbing? What am I not getting here? Should I abandon my entirely fine dark sense of humour? How much does a lobotomy cost again?”

The three kinds of relationships you’ll ever have.

Forgive me for going a little Freudian here, but we oftentimes place ourselves in equality (Ego), in care (Id), or in positions of care (Superego) for other people in our relationships. At least the ones we choose to maintain. Always choose to maintain the relationships where you feel a similarity of experience and understanding. As in, hopefully your best friend isn’t freaked out by your lobotomy jokes.

And hopefully, you’re going to do a great job of telling your kids about the birds and the bees.
To parents with kids above 8 years old: they probably know it all already, just rip the band-aid off whenever you’re both ready to guide them into healthy relationships.

So when we ignore children, we learn to ignore everyone we think we’re in positions of care with. We think they should know better, or that they’re going to handle it, or worse, they deserve punishment for not having the answers.

Unravelling yet another layer to this metaphor, this goes on to every single relationship that you model. Right from an influencer you follow down to the followers that look up to you, or the colleagues you hang out with to the teachers that you meet in your life, they’re all going to be affected by how you choose to interact with people who you consider to be your seniors, juniors and equals.

You may choose to follow some influencers just because you like to diss them. It’s okay, I don’t judge harmless guilty pleasures. Oh look, a cynical outlook out of nowhere. Who would’ve seen that coming.

Your best friend may be a wizard with corporate politics but horrible with girls. It’s okay, this article may help them see why and help them be wiser with their emotions.

Someone may have a really fierce loyalty for their band of brothers that oftentimes leads to more harm than good. It’s okay, they can be fiercely efficient at being fiercely loyal and minimise the damage they’ve caused.

And what generally happens? We get lost interacting with such paradoxical people and wonder if they’re good, bad, helpful, problematic, or even worth trusting. Even and specially in a moment where you’d want to.

Jealousy, wrath, envy, pride, and all the other delicious sins follow you around and paint your worldview with an ever confirming bias of all your equals being ignorable and untrustworthy, all your seniors being authoritative and dismissable, and all the people who look up to you worth not giving a damn about and worth scamming if they’ll fall for it. It’s a sinister ride. You may develop unhealthy competition in one equal relationship and demonstrate exceptional stability in another. Like one kid but hate another. What’s going on here? It’s easy to become dismissive of one’s own goodness when we’re not incapable, just hesitant to pull off the right social moves.

Thankfully, nobody’s perfect.

And these problems are far too common. So a total grinch like the paragraph above describes is rare, but easy to spot and avoid.

But if you’re human like the rest of us, you may have had some relatable comparisons in your life where you wish you had a chance to improve in some aspects of how you treat other people.

I may have a solution to this forgivable problem that unfortunately causes irreparable damage in our most valuable relationships, which is, blissfully, this: Listening to children!

All of the antitheses of our dark emotions (or sins) that explain human behaviour also follow us around if we get used to them. So instead of jealousy, or regret, or shame with regards to any relationship, we can practice principles that resound with morality and humanity like hope, or care, or forgiveness, consideration, togetherness, motivation, and love.

You can always choose to principally align with values that can realign your relationships with equals, seniors, and the ones you care about like family, too. And it’s through simple executions like listening to children that you can aim to get better at it. It’s easy to forgive them for being wrong, and it’s a gentle approach to make them understand.

How can you fix your relationships?

I’m assuming your goal is to be wholesome and approachable.

So here’s a few approaches you could try, but it gets easier to be creatively wholesome as you get better at it!
The next time you see a curious kid approaching you, engage them with principles that resound well with curiosity, and you’ll find that you have a cute little follower that may be a cure to your dwindling intrigue or outright anhedonia. I always give them a listen if I have the time to. Which is surprising, because I remember dismissing kids when I was a kid but other kids were “kiddier”.

Or have an “embarrassing” word with your best friend about their long dismissed heartbreak. You know it’s eating them up. Help them let it out. You’ll be glad you did, even if it doesn’t help much.

Big changes can happen with small efforts of realignment. The principles you align yourself with in one relationship can either bleed into others of the same kind, or heal others of the same kind. That’s just the power of your secondary habits.
It’s all going to be alright. Realign your values, and be patient. The world readily accepts one who’s ready to accept the world.

On to you, kid.